“Arrr, Polly! Aye be sendin’ ye down to Davey Jones’ Locker, aye be!” – Cap’n Salty Smirk
If truth be told, my Mom, is, was and always has been an old salt … the notorious pirate, Cap’n Salty Smirk.
And, from the looks of her salty smirk, she’s right up there with Anne Bonny and Mary Read!
She could carve out a skull and crossbones on the behinds of Johnny Depp and Keith Richards with her cutlass, and ruffle the feathers of her pet parrot, Polly, to boot.
I mean, my 94 year old mom is one mean pirate machine. Wherever she goes, it’s sure to be an adventure waiting to happen.
And, it’s no telling what Cap’n Salty Smirk & Polly’s next adventure will be!
Now It’s Your Turn at the Wheel, Me Hearties!
This is where I’m handing my blog over to you, matey, because I believe this picture of Mom is worth a thousand words … your words, not mine. In fact, I call her picture a treasure chest waiting to be pried open … not just any treasure chest, but the motherload!
So, my challenge is for you to make up a pirate’s tale using Mom’s picture as your inspiration. Give it a beginning, middle and end and then post it as a comment.
I’ll share your yarns and figure out some way to pick a winner (Peoples Choice, Mom’s Pick, Polly’s Pick, Davey Jones’ Pick, etc.).
Enter the Cap’n Salty Smirk & Polly Contest, and/or pass it along to someone you know is a great tall tale teller.
What are the rules?
There are no rules. After all … we’re pirates!
Godspeed!
Yo Ho, my friends I have a tale
Of treasure, plunder, swashbucklin’ and sail
My story’s bigger than a whale
It gets so deep, ye’ll have to bail.Chorus
I’m Cap’n Salty Smirk! That I be!
I sail me ship upon the sea!
I stay up late – till half past three!
And that’s a peg below me knee!
My 91 Year Old Mom 
All Hands on Deck, A Pirate’s Tale
by Amy E. Bean Napier
“Hear ye, hear ye, First Mate Tom, we need some new deckhands, “ Cap’n Salty Smirk yelled out. “Find me some young, strong pirate-wanna-bes that can help us gather gold from the rich and distribute to the poor!”
The Christmas Helen pirate ship drew to a complete stop as First Mate Tom grumbled under his breath, “Arghghgh, of course she wants to change course now, we were finally returning home!” But he immediately started turning towards a set of islands off the coast of Richmond, Virginia as ordered.
“Where ye heading to?” asked the beautiful Lady Melissa as she stood on the bridge, glowing in the sunlight. “Where can we find deckhands around here?” she softly whispered in her lovely southern drawl.
And just then, a large neon sign appeared on a nearby island. As it blinked on, there were bright pink and purple letters spelling out “Camp Ooga Booga.” “What’s an Ooga Booga?” First Mate Tom gruffly asked as Lady Melissa squealed, “Whee, it’s my old summer camp! I love Camp Ooga Booga.”
The Christmas Helen was docked at the OB Wand Marina a short time later and Cap’n Salty Smirk was giving orders…“Go forth and find ye some hardy deckhands, First Mate Tom. And don’t take long, it’s almost dinner time around here!”
First Mate Tom asked Lady Melissa to come along and they quickly started up the path to Camp Ooga Booga’s Chow Hall. All the campers had gathered there for food, fun and feathery entertainment by Polly the Parrot, a ventriloquist extraordinaire!
First Mate Tom and Lady Melissa noticed three campers that could really shake their booties and invited them to join them on their journey. “What’s yer names?” asked First Mate Tom. “Kenzie, Livi and Tyli,” the young girls nervously said.
Lady Melissa quickly hugged the three girls and said “Don’t worry, we’re taking you on a cruise on the Christmas Helen.” “Yay,” yelled the girls but Tyli, the youngest of the group, squeeked “I want to see Polly. I’m not going without Polly.” First Mate Tom quickly jumped on the stage and grabbed the parrot, “Ye are coming with us Polly,” he yelled as he ran back to the ship.
The three new deckhands and the parrot stood at attention in front of Cap’n Salty Smirk. “Ye all look like yer scared to death,” the Cap’n said. “including that thar bird. Loosen up Polly, ye seem a little stiff today. Don’t be scared, I’m not going to make you walk the plank!”
First Mate Tom then grabbed his guitar and started singing “Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me” and everyone was laughing and dancing. Before long, the Christmas Helen pirate ship was sailing off in the sunset with a happy crew of modern day pirates led by Cap’n Salty Smirk!
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What a great pirates tale, Amy! Thanks for entering the fray.
I am already out searching for unsuspecting ships to plunder in order to pay for your trip in case you win the Grand Prize.
I will tell you that Polly is learning how to write by holding a quill pen in her beak that she plucked from her own gluteus maximus. She says she is going to win the contest and only wants a cracker for a prize.
I haven’t read her tale, but she sure has stacked the odds in her favor!
First Mate Tom
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I’m not scared of no Polly!
From what I hear, she repeats herself A LOT!
Always screeching about a duck….I think she has an affliction for AFLAC!
“Polly wants a quacker, Polly wants a quacker”
:–) (Yeah, I’m good, Beat that Parrot Polly!)
Amy
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