An Arm and a Leg

Last night, my wife, Melissa, and I took mom to a little Mexican restaurant called Su Casa.

Aren’t they all called Su Casa?

Mom loves her salsa and chips, can eat two  beef burritos and still have room for the beans, rice, more salsa, chips and … this is unbelievable, but true …  top it all off with a generous serving of fried ice cream.

Oh, and I forgot to mention the three tall glasses of Sprite on the rocks.

Sprite was the hit of the night! Mom kept saying it was the best drink she had ever had and wanted the recipe “from the owner” so she could make it at home in big batches.

As we were leaving, the hostess, a good looking hostess I might add, that is if I had been looking which I wasn’t (remember, Melissa was with us). What the heck, I still couldn’t help but noticing.

Before I knew what was happening, mom looked at the hostess and said, “Hi, sugar girl, you are beautiful! Look at your eyes … and that big smile of yours is just gorgeous!”

Just as I was trying to process what was going on: the words mom chose, her uninhibited, endearing way of connecting with a stranger as if they had been friends for life my mom grabbed the girls arm with her right hand and announced for everyone in Su Casa to hear, “You are soooo hot!”

I heard myself say, “Tell the nice lady goodnight.” But, before I could get another word out, I felt mom grab my hand and say, “Hold her arm, Tom! Feel that. Isn’t she hot? She has the warmest arm I have ever felt!”

The hostess was smiling ear to ear!

I am holding on to her arm, right along with mom, and agreeing  that she sure was hot. I was blushing and watching to make sure Melissa was out of earshot because I honestly didn’t know how I would explain the unexplainable.

All I can say is my mom is a Natural Connector.

Flashback!

I remember, way back in the day, how singles on the prowl would use their pets, dogs mostly, as conversation starters for pick-up purposes.

“Oh what a cute (fill in the blank type dog)! He/she is really well trained. Who’s your trainer?”

“Sorry my little (blank) is scrappy for his/her size. He/she thinks he’s/she’s a big, big doggy, don’t you (blank)?

But nobody had a pet or a technique that was as fool proof at making connections as mine … a Natural Connector.

I had a beagle back in my single days named Deacon.

Deacon was extremely, well, no other way to say it than horny.

He would grab any leg available and do what came natural to him, though, as you would imagine, it seemed quite unnatural to the owner of the leg.

I would apologize profusely for my dog’s behavior, beg forgiveness, kneel down, say for all to hear, “Bad dog, Deacon! Bad, dog!”

While all this was going on I would sneak Deacon a little candy treat, then stand up, grab the hands of the leg’s owner and ask if I could buy her a drink … the least I could do in this horribly upsetting situation.

It worked almost every time! You might say I had a leg up on the competition.

The only downside, Deacon was so good at what he did, that the number of candy treats he earned made him become a really round beagle hound.

Flash Forward!

So, I am thinking there are going to be more and more 91 year old moms on this planet as folks continue to live longer and longer and, if you are single at the time, the grabbing-an-arm-you’re-sooo-hot bit could just be the ticket for a chance to buy (blank) a drink or two and who knows what might happen next!

All you would have to do to make sure your very own Natural Connector would stick with you is to reward your mom with a Sprite or three.

Win – win – win!

The American Way!

The only warning is don’t give your mom too many Sprites.

Remember what happened to Deacon.